Names are powerful things especially when they describe you well. In the Bible names where given to reflect the parents hope or their expectations. In all sorts of warrior cultures names where given to describe a warriors prowess and aptitude or a name was given for the warrior to grow into.
In the Guardian Angels I was called “Harlequin”, no put aside all those sleazy images of romance books, Harlequin was from the elite elven warriors of Warhammer 40k, performers and formidable warriors, spinning and somersaulting over the battlefield with deadly grace. The name was chosen by me, I was an actor (a poser) wishing to be a warrior, what name would fit better? I also had the tagline that went with my name: The dancer of death, the weaver of shadows and the great avatar of the laughing god.
If we disregard the links to a non-existent fictional religion I wanted to be the dancer of death, deadly and graceful in battle. The weaver of shadows was a tip of the hat to the ninja warriors I was so taken by as a boy but also a hint that I was a master of deception, I had everybody fooled (or so I thought). The laughing god was my tribute to my subversive view of the god of Christianity, that God was indeed a God with humour, a God for whom Joy and freedom was paramount.
At Bootcamp in Wales Craig held a session on the “new name”, the white stone given to all believers in Revelation 12. We where asked to ask God what is my new name? Apart from the fact that I was sure that God would not answer this, I was also concerned that any voice I would hear would just be my own….
Before Craig had finished talking I asked the question: Lord what is my new name, what do you think of me? Immediately I had a word come to the forefront of my mind.
Faithful, you are Faithful!
Yea right!? God do you know me? I spent the next thirty minutes arguing the point. To be honest I am anything but… To start with, I have left God and the faith several times. I have been unfaithful in all my relations and would never ever use that word to describe myself. I have also spent years battling an addiction to internet porn and lust. Yet here I was trying to convince myself that this was not God but my own idea, I had just come up with this word by myself, but how could I?
And God speaks:
Faithful, you are faithful. That is What I made you, this is your strength and your glory. Pursue this.
Back home battered with assaults on this one conviction I look up the hebrew word for faithful (allready know the greek pistos, to believe to have faith) and I am blown away by what I find. The most common hebrew word for faithful is ‘aman:
539. ‘aman, aw-man´; a primitive root; properly, to build up or support; to foster as a parent or nurse; figuratively to render (or be) firm or faithful, to trust or believe, to be permanent or quiet; morally to be true or certain; once (Isa. 30:21; interchangeable with 541) to go to the right hand:—hence, assurance, believe, bring up, establish, + fail, be faithful (of long continuance, stedfast, sure, surely, trusty, verified), nurse, (-ing father), (put), trust, turn to the right.
In this little word, I find the sum of all things I want to be. True, I want to be a true knight, full of truth (the hebrew for truth is emunnah derived from ‘aman). I want to be steadfast, loyal. I want to be a nursing father, to build others up. But more than anything I want to live the life where I trust God! Where I am full of faith, faithful.
No longer the dancer of death or the weaver of shadows, no longer the incarnation of a false god. I am faithful!
What is your name? Go ahead ask him, he wants you to know!
